The eulogy

What is a eulogy?

The eulogy is an important part of a funeral ceremony. It expresses the grief over the loss of the deceased, reviews the most important stages of their life and paints a loving picture of their personality. In addition, a eulogy not only serves to pay tribute to the deceased, but also to give the bereaved comfort and a sense of hope. In order to fulfill all these points, a eulogy must be written with the appropriate skill and sensitivity. At both religious and secular funeral services, the bereaved have the opportunity to deliver the eulogy in front of the assembled mourners. At religious memorial services, it is also customary for the clergy to deliver the eulogy. In this way, the life and work of the deceased is interpreted against a religious background and important stages of their life are placed in a religious context. It goes without saying that hope is also conveyed in the spirit of the respective religion.

Who delivers the eulogy?

Relatives or close friends of the deceased often write the eulogy if they feel emotionally able to do so in view of the situation. Especially immediately after the loss of a loved one, looking back on their life and personality can be too painful. It can therefore be helpful to share this task with others close to the deceased and to support each other. If this is still felt to be too stressful, it is advisable to consult a professional speechwriter. They will write the eulogy according to the wishes of the bereaved based on the information provided to them. The situation is similar if a clergyman is to deliver the eulogy. He also receives all the information from the bereaved in advance and writes the desired speech together or in close consultation with them. It is also possible to send the clergyman a pre-written eulogy. Regardless of whether the eulogy is written by a clergyman or a speechwriter, in all cases where the speech is not written by the bereaved themselves, it is essential that they convey an authentic image of the deceased to the author. It is not just about dry facts such as place of birth, education, occupation and marital status, but above all about the characteristics, preferences and even idiosyncrasies that made up the personality of the deceased. In this way, the mourners can remember the deceased together in loving memory at the funeral.

Structure, content and style of a eulogy

A good eulogy essentially consists of three points:

1. the farewell to the deceased
2. the loving memory of him
3. the hopeful look into the future

Talk about the preferences of the deceased, the commitment they showed and lived for themselves as well as for third parties or associations, their typical sayings and quotes as well as endearing qualities. However, avoid criticism, insults, excessive praise and exaggerations of any kind. If you then package this in an authentic, positive but also realistic way, you will have a successful eulogy.

What do I need to bear in mind for the eulogy?

Writing a eulogy is a delicate task that should be done with great care and sensitivity. Under no circumstances should it contain any negative points or open criticism of the deceased. Personal animosities are completely out of place here. It is primarily about the personality of the deceased and not about their relationship with others. However, it goes without saying that no lies should be told and no positive qualities should be attributed to the deceased that they never had. Instead, positive character traits and positively interpretable characteristics should be sought out and emphasized in the speech. Small, cheerful anecdotes and typical sayings of the deceased can also be quoted. They convey authenticity and may even bring a smile or two to the faces of the mourners. For example, if the deceased tended to stick to his/her point of view and often offend others, this can be paraphrased as “he/she had rough edges and always followed a straight line”. In this way, you stick to the truth and provide an authentic picture of the personality of the deceased without becoming negative or even insulting. Traps lurk not only in the rather unpleasant character traits of the deceased, but also in those perceived as positive. Relatives in particular, who are understandably in an exceptional emotional situation, run the risk of losing themselves in pathos and writing the eulogy too emotionally in the face of their grief and pain. But even this is not necessarily appropriate in a eulogy, as it should convey an image of the deceased and not one of the grief of the bereaved. This can be expressed in the concluding words of greeting.

How to write a sensitive eulogy

1. brainstorming
Write down in bullet points everything that comes to mind when you think of the deceased. Of course, the focus should be on positive characteristics. However, every person also has unpleasant traits and only these make them an authentic character. Try to describe the less positive qualities of the deceased in a diplomatic way. Also think about what the deceased was committed to during their life, what was important to them and what they stood up for. Make a note of typical sayings of the deceased and terms and phrases that he liked to use.

2. the memory of the deceased
Start writing the speech. Speak about the deceased in the third person. For example, start the speech with “Dear mourners, today we say goodbye to …”. Then briefly discuss your feelings and relationship to the deceased: “As a close friend of …, the news of his passing has hit me hard.” Now you can look back on the relationship between you and the deceased and draw a picture of his personality: “Even in our school days together, … proved to be extremely determined and open-minded. He was also to use these qualities later in his career.” Let his life pass in review.

3. the farewell
Say goodbye to the deceased with final words of greeting: “Farewell, dear … I/we are grateful to have known you and will always remember you fondly.”
When writing the eulogy, make sure that it is not too long. Ideally, you should speak for two to three minutes. Read the speech out loud again and again and keep track of the time. It is best to get feedback on the length and content of the eulogy. That way you are on the safe side.